Confusion does not mean Contention: An Appeal for Answering Questions More Charitably

The summer between my freshman and sophomore year of college, one of my co-workers would frequently ask me questions about Catholicism. Though raised Catholic, he made the personal decision to convert to Islam.

I’ll be honest: I dreaded those questions. This co-worker wasn’t a very friendly person to begin with, and his questions were often expressed aggressively or were terrible questions to be asking. I would still do my best to answer his questions even though it would frustrate me.

One day, however, he thanked me for answering his questions. He explained that other people often wouldn’t. It made me realize that perhaps his questions weren’t as rude as I had originally thought. Perhaps they were truly coming from a heart longing for the truth.

I wish I could say this short story had a happy ending: that I seized the opportunity to evangelize him, and he is now home in the Catholic Church. Instead, I don’t know what happened. I had so many questions myself during that time that I certainly wasn’t intellectually or spiritually prepared to have those conversations. Admittedly, I was also selfish. So I don’t know if he came home to the Church or is still a Muslim or if he is still lost in general.

Why then am I bringing up this story with no end? Because, as Christians, we must be comfortable with responding to questions, even uncomfortable or poorly framed ones.

I’ve been noticing online that when someone asks a question or admits they struggle with a teaching from the Church, they can be met with antagonistic responses. I think in our love for Christ and His Church, we sometimes mistake the confusion of others as contention.

I believe that sometimes, in our very sincere, very good, and very necessary desire to defend our faith, we come off much stronger than we intend. Sometimes even going so far as to accuse people of being heretics or trying to change Church teaching or not being Catholic.

This needs to change.

Not every person who has doubts or questions is trying to undermine the Church. If you’ve never been hurt by members of the Church, never had a crisis of faith, never had doubts, never had questions, then I praise God for giving you such a tremendous gift of faith.

However, many of us haven’t had nearly as clear a path to Christ. Many people are hungry for the truth but are lost. If they are turning to us, we should be willing to charitably walk the (potentially long and arduous) road to God with them.

This isn’t to say that every aggressive questioner has good intentions. I know there are people out there who ask rude questions or are aggressive in attempts to elicit a negative response. I absolutely believe there are valid times to step away from a conversation. Whether or not you bother responding to that person is a matter between you and God.

But I think we need to give people the benefit of the doubt. Let’s assume that their intentions are good until they prove otherwise. Let’s take the time to answer their questions even if they seem silly or dumb or even a little antagonistic. Let’s direct them to charitable resources. Let’s lovingly share the truth. Let’s allow the Holy Spirit to use us as instruments of God’s mercy. Let’s make our faith communities a safe place to grapple with doubts so others can come to understand that the Catholic Church holds the fullness of the truth.

Let’s evangelize not only in our words but also with how we share them.

Come Holy Spirit.

Men talking photo by Anna Vander Stel on Unsplash

Group discussion photo by Abel Tan Jun Yang from Pexels