There is a simple image that is often presented when Christian romantic relationships are discussed.
The idea is simple: the closer each person moves towards God, the closer they grow to each other. Though I have been married for less than a year, as I reflect on it more, I have realized three reasons why this is true.
The closer we are to God, the more joyful we are.
We were made to be in perfect union with God, but the sin of Adam and Eve broke that perfect union. We have an imperfect relationship with God, all the fault laying on our end because God continues to love us infinitely and perfectly. Our souls ache and hunger for Him. The closer we grow to Him, the more joy fills our hearts. Joy is that sense of peace, hope, and contentment that remains within us regardless of the challenges we encounter. That joy radiates.
The closer we grow to God, the more joy fills our hearts. Click To TweetOur spouses experience that joy and simply put, it is easier to love joyful people. That is not to say it isn’t possible to immensely love people who are unhappy; as someone who suffers from anxiety and depressive episodes, I have been the recipient of genuine love from those around me despite my demeanor. However, I recognize that emotional turmoil can cause strain on relationships, and though it may ultimately strengthen them, having that peaceful joy is also part of a healthy relationship.
Our Vocations, given to us by God, are an expression of love when lived out.
God has a specific plan for each of us to lead us to holiness, and our Vocation is part of that. My Vocation as a wife (and God-willing, a mother) calls me to love Ben (and – hopefully – future children). When I align my will to God’s, it flows naturally that I will love Ben. Ben’s Vocation as a husband (and God-willing, a father) drives him to show love for me (and – hopefully – future children).
Obviously, aligning our wills to God’s will makes us live better, holier lives. The natural fruit of this is a loving marriage. We also recognize that part of our Vocation is to encourage the other person to grow closer to God so they can go to Heaven. One way we express our love for each other is encouraging one another to pray, read the Bible, and receive the sacraments. This again brings us back to how improving our relationship with God instills joy.
The burden of perfect love isn’t placed on imperfect people.
We were made by God who is Love. God made us for perfect love, but we distance ourselves from it through our sinfulness (again, not by God but by us). We still long for that perfect love. Ben and I love each other very, very much, but because we are imperfect people, we will never be capable of giving truly perfect love to each other. If we expect perfect love from each other, we will never be fully satisfied. When we grow closer to God, we are more in tune with His infinite and perfect love. We are more aware and accepting to this perfect love. By recognizing God as the true source of perfect love, we know where to turn for perfect love.
God made us for perfect love. Click To TweetThough we will never be able to perfectly love each other, removing that expectation of each other actually makes us love each other better. God gives us a model of perfect love that we can strive for in loving our spouse. Seeing how God loves us gives a model for loving each other, and experiencing the love of God makes us love each other better.
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I sincerely believe that God has blessed me with a wonderful husband, and I love how Ben and I grow together as we try to love God (and each other) more.
How has growing closer to God made it easier to love others whether it is romantically or through friendship?
This is so true. Even in tough times, the closer we are to God the more we can bear, the more peace we have, and the more joy we can experience. God is the glue.
Absolutely! Thank you for commenting.
I love this thought: “The burden of perfect love isn’t placed on imperfect people.” I am so thankful for that! It’s what makes godly relationships possible. Great post!
Thank you for your kind words!
By not judging anyone. Accepting each person as God made us.
Exactly! Simple in concept, but definitely not always easy in practice.
Drawing closer to God expands our abilities to love in general, of course it extends to our spouse first, but also gives us greater appreciation for the humility and gentleness of Christ for sure.
I agree! I focused on marital love, but love of neighbor and our friends and other family members is also important. As you pointed out, Christ helps us do that. Thanks for commenting.
Great post! We so often leave God out of the equation which is toxic.
Agreed! Thank you for your kind words and commenting.
Great post! Encouraging each other to pray and grow closer to the Lord is so important in a marriage. Praying together is also key to building your relationship with each other and your connection to God.
That’s an excellent point! Thanks for sharing. 🙂
I love your point that we’re more joyful the closer we are to God. That was one of things that hit me when I realized I was suffering from depression. I was unhappy, but I hadn’t lost my joy. Because I still had that love and that closeness to God, but I was suffering the oppression of the chemical imbalance in my brain. Thank you for sharing these great tips!!
I had a very similar experience, but kind of in reverse. I started feeling better once the chemical imbalances were being treated, but it wasn’t until I grew in my faith that things really started getting better. That joy is so important! Thank you for sharing your experience!
“The burden of perfect love isn’t placed on imperfect people.” That smacks 100% of Theology of the Body! And, it is absolutely true… somewhat freeing when we think of it that way, too.
Great post! Thank you for sharing your insight!
I agree it is freeing! Thank you for commenting!
Thank for this post. So beautifully written.
Peace 🙏🏻
Thank you!
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Nice triangle image!