#SackclothandAshes: A Lay Catholic Guide to Responding to the Sex Abuse Scandal

My heart hurts.

I’m angry and disappointed and sad and a whole bunch of emotions all swirling together in the midst of this horrific scandal.

But I also feel like I need to do something. I’m still trying to understand what I can do personally, but for now, I know that I can pray and use this platform to advocate for change.

In this post, I want to share the resources I’ve found useful. Whether they’re reflections on the hurt, ideas for prayer, or advocating for actions, I am sure there is something on the list that can help you.

Satan is thrilled with the situation going on, and we as the Church Militant need to respond. We are in a spiritual battle, but Christ promised us that we will prevail.

Stay strong, my friends! God is with us!

I want to give an overall content warning that many of the resources discuss the sexual abuse. Please read at your own discretion.

Satan is thrilled with the situation going on, and we as the Church Militant need to respond. We are in a spiritual battle, but Christ promised us that we will prevail. Click To Tweet

Explanations and Reflections

JD Flynn wrote a piece on CNA summarizing the concerns many Catholics have.

Last year, I wrote a piece about how we are a church of sinners. Though I wrote it about a much less serious issue, I still think the message behind it holds true.

My Feminine Life shared her perspective as someone who used to be an advocate for a sexual assault resource center.

 

JM Kraemer wrote a piece about how he can remain Catholic.

Everyday Ediths wrote a piece on holding on to hope.

Hilary of Messy Buns & Latin Chant wrote a beautiful reflection on the timing of these scandals.

A Beautiful, Camouflaged Mess of a Life wrote this vulnerable and honest reflection. Before the news about the Grand Jury Report broke, she also wrote a piece on light & mercy , but it is still an incredibly appropriate piece for this situation.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BmgeVpaAz6A/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

 

Mary wrote this piece, sharing a very honest perspective on her struggles with the news.

You can read the full report from the grand jury, but I know many have struggled greatly in reading it. You are not obligated to read it, and I would recommend against it.

What You Can Do: Short Lists

I expand on particulars later in this post, but if you’re short on time, I wanted to provide a few summaries.

Jenny wrote a piece on actions we as faithful Catholics can take.

Sara Estabrooks wrote this piece on Catholics Online. I think it is a great starting point.

Bonnie Engstrom wrote a piece on letters and prayer.

Derya Little wrote a piece on harnessing holy anger.

Bill Donaghy shared a reflection through the Theology of the Body Institute.

Spiritual Actions

Prayer

Prayer is the most powerful tool we have in our arsenal.

We should pray for the victims. We should pray for those who left the Church because of these scandals. We should pray for the good priests and bishops who are being attacked. We should pray that God will use us (and we will be open to His will) for healing the Church.

Now is a great time to start praying the rosary. Sara wrote a powerful reflection on the sorrowful mysteries. You can also look for opportunities to pray the rosary as a group, like the Coast to Coast rosary initiative. If you’re wondering how the rosary can be a spiritual weapon, I recommend this book (you can read my review here).

Prayer is the most powerful tool we have in our arsenal. Click To Tweet

We also need to pray in reparation for the sins of those who were abusers or complicit in the abuse. I know this is a really hard pill to swallow, and if you can’t find yourself ready to pray for this intention, I understand.

I think a good option is to start by praying a morning offering. Several versions mention the intentions of the Sacred Heart; one of those is reparation of sins. A morning offering is a way to start praying for this intention without specifically addressing a painful issue.

The Chaplet of Divine Mercy is also a helpful prayer.

Fasting

Fasting is also a powerful spiritual weapon. It helps us overcome personal sin. It strengthens us spiritually. And, it can be offered for intentions as a form of prayer.

Wednesdays and Fridays were traditionally days of fasting. You could do what we do on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday: two small meals and one meal not exceeding the totally amount of food. If you are able, you could try more intense fasts or fast from specific types of food.

Ben and I are spending the next 40-ish days doing partial abstinence from meat: only our primary meal on Mondays-Thursdays and Saturdays will have meat. Fridays, we abstain from meat from entirely (this is something we do year-round). Sundays, we don’t do any form of fasting because every Sunday is a time of celebration and is a mini-Easter. Partial abstinence was a common practice prior to the 1980s. Though it is no longer a requirement, it can be a fruitful spiritual practice.

Please be conscientious of your health as you fast. You should not be putting your health at risk while you fast. There are other ways to make sacrifices/ non-food fasts.

Small Sacrifices

If you can’t fast due to health reasons like me, there are other sacrifices you can make in reparation.

St. Therese of Lisieux would carry sacrifice beads.

Even the smallest things can be offered to God.

Another Lent

Sr. Theresa Aletheia brought my attention to the Saint Michael Lent Novena.

Here is some information about the novena and Saint Michael Lent.

#SackclothsandAshes

If you’re looking for actions amongst a united front, I recommend the following.

Bonnie Engstrom (A Knotted Life) and Kendra (Catholic All Year) are calling for prayer, fasting, and acts of reparation.

Their statement (which I wholeheartedly support) is:

We are Catholic, faithful to the Magisterium and disgusted by the abuse and cover-ups that have plagued the Roman Catholic Church in the United States. We are heartsick over the 1000+ victims of abuse in the state of Pennsylvania and all the other boys and girls, men and women who have been sexually abused by priests and further victimized by the bishops who covered up these crimes. We pray for justice for the victims and their families and communities. We believe in the Catholic Church, founded by Christ and sustained by the Eucharist. We are one body in Christ. As such, we invite you to join us in observing a forty day period of prayer and fasting as an act of reparation to God for these sins. From the feast of the Queenship of Mary on August 22, through the month of September, we will join our sorrow with Our Lady of Sorrows, and make daily sacrifices appropriate to our own circumstances for this intention.

These wonderful ladies created the images below to encourage others to take action. Please read through them for ideas on what you can do. You can also read the blog post Kendra wrote that goes into a little more detail. Bonnie also wrote a blog post about this effort.

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Other Actions

Speak Out

Chloe Langr wrote a powerful piece inspired by the Saint Catherine of Sienna quote.

 

Speaking of Saint Catherine, here’s an article by Kathryn Lopez on what Saint Catherine would say to our bishops.

Leslie of Life in Every Limb wrote a post titled “Silence is Scandal.”

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bmlj9wUAuGD/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

Simcha Fisher appealed to parish priests, begging them to speak out about the scandals.

Write Letters

Your voice matters! Write letters to your bishop. Meet with your parish priest. Talk to Church leadership about your concerns and what changes you need to see.

This resource details how we should address Church officials.

Molly wrote a letter to her bishop and her parish priest.

Support Victims

We need to support victims. Each individual will have different needs, and your response will be highly dependent on your relationship with them.

Something we can all do is believe them, not blame them, and pray for them.

Here are some resources for:

• helping someone you care about
• talking with survivors of sexual abuse
• seven small ways to show support
• more ways to help
• even more ways to help
• a guide of steps to take and do’s & dont’s
• contacting other resources

What Not to Do

Most of this post is about what we should do, but I do want to address some problematic behaviors I’ve observed. When we do or say these things, we can hurt victims and we perpetuate abuse because we aren’t getting to the core of the issue.

There are several things we need to stop doing.

Stop justifying behavior through statistics.

It doesn’t matter that most abuses happened so many years ago. It doesn’t matter that it is a minority of clergy. It doesn’t matter that the Catholic Church still has less abuse than other denominations or organizations. Abuse should not be happening at all. End of story. Even one priest abusing his power is too many. Even one bishop covering up abuse is too many. This is Christ’s Church, and these grievous sins have no place here. I understand the desire to defend our Church by focusing on numbers, but it invalidates peoples’ experiences and seems like an attempt to cover it up. I know this isn’t most peoples’ intentions, but we need to be aware of how our words affect people.

I don’t think we need to completely ignore statistics (and I do think they can be helpful for looking into solutions), but using them in attempts to justify or minimize these scandals is harmful

Stop blaming celibacy and homosexuality.

Sexual assault is much more about power than sexual attraction or lack of access to sex.

Some people like to argue that is priests were allowed to be married, sexual abuse would stop. This is problematic for a number of reasons.

First of all, it implies that the abuse would be better if it were directed at a wife. It is (unintentionally, I’m sure) asking that women be the buffers for abuse; it’s asking that they bear the burden.

Second, it disregards all the other data we have. Again, I want us to be cautious about using statistics in these discussions, but we know that abuse also comes from married people and people who have very open beliefs about sex. We also need to think about all the people who abstain from sex that aren’t acting out violently.

Third, many priests regard celibacy as a gift. It helps them live out their Vocation more effectively. In the midst of this scandal, we desperately need strong, holy priests.

Other people argue that if we just don’t allow homosexual men into the priesthood, sexual abuse would stop.

Though homosexuality and pedophilia are both distortions of sexual attraction, they are not the same thing. Please stop acting as though these things are equivalent or interchangeable or always connected. Misconceptions like this won’t help us fix the problems.

This post addresses this topic much more articulately than I could.

I do want to note that I trust the Church and Her teachings regarding priests who are attracted to men. I know this is a complex topic, and it is certainly an important one, but I feel like this isn’t the appropriate time to discuss this.

Stop using Vatican II as a scapegoat for every issue we face in the Church.

Yes, I actually saw someone do this. Sexual abuse was a problem before Vatican II. These sex abuse scandals have nothing to do with Church teachings and everything to do with sinful men abusing their power.

Stop saying allowing female priests would resolve this problem.

Sexual abuse isn’t just a crime and sin for men. Women can (and do) sexually abuse others.

These men who committed these atrocities abused their position in the Church. They are going against how Christ designed the priesthood.

However, female priests are also going against how Christ designed the priesthood. I am not saying that it is equivalently problematic; I am just pointing out that it is only adding a different problem to the Church. Women cannot perform priestly duties. It is literally impossible for women to be validly ordained. This isn’t a Church rule; it is what God allows. Having female priests would endanger the souls of so many because the Masses and sacraments wouldn’t be valid.

 

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I know it is a difficult time to be Catholic. Please do not lose hope. The Church can overcome because we have Christ at our side. The next few months will be incredibly difficult and heartbreaking. You may even question why you are still Catholic. But keep fighting. Keep praying. Keep fasting. Keep advocating for change.

Jesus promised us “upon this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it” (Matthew 16:18). Christ will not let us down.