On December 19, 2014, I woke up to a phone call from a diabetic educator. This struck me as a little odd because I hadn’t been officially diagnosed with diabetes yet (the nurse who called me the day before said I had blood sugar levels they saw in Type 1 Diabetics). I scheduled my appointment with her after meeting with the doctor who would tell me that I do in fact have Type 1 Diabetes.
That day was filled with several activities to keep me busy: a doctor appointment, trying (and failing) to get my insulin, meeting with a diabetic educator, picking up blood sugar testing supplies, successfully picking up insulin, packing my car, and driving six hours home from my university for winter break. I had been so busy doing things, and it had come on so quickly (I hadn’t even realized how sick I was), that I didn’t really have time to emotionally process my diagnosis.
When I finally paused and reflected on my situation, I felt incredibly frustrated at the utter lack of fairness. I was convinced I had done nothing to deserve this horrible disease. I angrily questioned God about why, after the worst couple months of my life, He decided to give me diabetes. I suppose if I had actually listened to Him, I would’ve gotten through the bitterness a little easier, but instead it’s taken me time, mistakes, and growing in faith to get a better understanding of my situation. Demanding an answer from God for why He would put something so horrible in my life only showed how little I understood Him.
God isn’t Punishing Me
At the time of my diagnosis, I argued at God (I say “at” and not “with” because my prayer was not conversational at all) as though He in His infinite wisdom looked down at me and decided that He wanted me to suffer horribly and zapped me with a cursed pancreas. The problem is that this isn’t how God works. He doesn’t want us to suffer. His intent for us is to achieve eternal happiness and perfect union with Him. Unfortunately, we live in an imperfect world. Bad things sometimes just happen. This is not what God desires for us, but He allows it to happen. I know the thought that bad things happen just because we live in an imperfect world isn’t an uplifting one, but it is the reality we face. The bright spot in this suffering, however, is that God can use this suffering to sanctify us.
God uses my Diabetes to Sanctify Me
Again, my thought was that God had given me diabetes for no good reason, but as I have lived with these challenges I’ve been able to see how God has been able to make my life better despite living with diabetes. I am much more attentive to my health and have been able to catch other illnesses earlier than I normally would have. I naturally make better food choices. I am much more aware of the struggles people with chronic illnesses, especially invisible illnesses, face on a daily basis after being shamefully unaware of how hard life can be for others. I am more sympathetic to people with chronic illnesses and am able to relate to other people I care very much about who also suffer from different chronic illnesses. I have learned how important it is to say “no.” I’ve had to stop basing my value as a person based on what I accomplish.
The biggest, most important change, however, is that I have grown much, much closer to God. In the face of suffering, we have two options: we can either abandon God because we can’t understand why a loving god would cause us so much suffering, or we can rely on Him fully, and He will help us carry the burden. Obviously, there are various shades in between that, but I don’t think anyone who goes through a huge life change leaves with the exact same level of faith that they had coming in. Though my life absolutely has gotten harder the last few years, I find myself facing the challenges better and leaving them with a better perspective. I can find the value in my suffering because I believe it is preparing me for Heaven.
God can use this suffering to sanctify us. Click To TweetGratitude
Don’t get me wrong, I am not grateful for this disease itself. It hurts to check my blood sugar, change my sensor, or inject my infusion site. I am self-conscious about the bruises, scars, and marks that cover my body. I miss the ability to be spontaneous. I get tired of counting carbs. I get frustrated with people making stupid jokes about a serious illness. I get hurt by the judgment that I brought this disease on myself and somehow deserve it*. I get upset when I feel sick or feel like I have no control over my own body. And I still get angry at God sometimes.
However, I am grateful for what this disease did to my spiritual life. It took me awhile to get where I am, and I still have a long way to go along my faith journey, but I am confident that I wouldn’t be where I am today if it wasn’t for something happening to me that made me realize how desperately I needed God.
A little over two years later, I realize that there isn’t an answer to my question “why did God give me diabetes” because it is the wrong question. I know now that my questions should be “how can God guide me through this,” “how can I stay connected to God,” and “how can this suffering sanctify me?”
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*Type 1 Diabetes is an autoimmune disease. Nothing I did caused it, and there is nothing I could have done to prevent it. For a reason doctors cannot figure out, my body decided to attack itself. That being said, judging Type 2 Diabetics is also wrong. There are a lot of other factors that go into it developing beyond lifestyle.
This entire article is bullshit. God may not hate us, but he sure is indifferent to us. Which to me is worse than hate. I have had a pretty crappy run of luck lately, for the past 7 years, and a loving God would not make his servant to suffer. He to me is the angry vengeful god of the old testament and I paying for the sins of my fathers even unto the 3rd and 4th generation.
Hi Rob,
I’m sorry you are experiencing so much hurt and feel that God is indifferent to your suffering.
I wanted to walk through your comment.
You said that my entire post was BS. I’m curious why you think the description of my personal experiences of suffering is deserving of that word. While you may have had different experiences than me, I’m trying to understand why you feel that invalidates my testimony.
I know it can seem like God has forgotten us when we’re dealing with struggles. When we are overwhelmed with pain and we cry out and still experience pain, it can seem like God is ignoring our pleas. What we need to remember is that God answers our prayers in different ways. For example, my prayers for healing were actually met with healing of my soul rather than my body. Sometimes, God has us wait for reasons we may not understand. Even more difficult are the “no”s we get from God. I wish I had an answer to how to trust God during this time, but there is no easy answer. The reality is that we face a paradox: we need God to help us stop being angry with God.
God does love us, and I promise he uses our suffering for good. He doesn’t desire us to suffer, but he allows it to be so. He then uses that for His plan. I know how hard it can be. When I’m really sick, I do get angry. I demand an answer from God. I beg for relief. Sometimes it comes, and sometimes the answer is wait. When I look at the good in my life like I described in this post, I realize that is only a glimpse into His bigger plan.
You say God is angry and vengeful, but I encourage you to read Scripture as a whole. The God we see in the Old Testament is the same loving God in the New Testament and today. God himself suffered on the cross for us.
I do not know enough about generational curses, but there are some resources at the end of this forum (https://forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=59836). The best route would be to talk to a priest who can help you navigate the spiritual battle.
Before I conclude, I do want to say that I had mixed feelings about posting your comment because it is pushing the limits on my commenting guidelines.
All that being said, though this is a negative comment, I do appreciate you taking the time to read this post and comment on it. I pray that you will be able to find the love God is trying to give you. If you have any specific prayer intentions, please feel free to send them my way, and I will pray for you.
May God bless you abundantly.
Look I’m 30 years old & I’m a type 1 diabetic since 7 years & my life has been miserable & I’m sorry that you’re going through the same pain but I want you to know that I don’t understand how God allow good ppl like me & you to suffer with diabetes while evil ppl like the rich & selfish are thriving & living great healthy lives & there are a lot of ppl in the world that abuse their healths they drink & smoke & do all sorts of drugs & are still alive & they are able to change their ways & be happy while me & you have to deal with this disease that’s ravishing are bodies. & that to me is not right that God allows this fate upon us. Everyday watching normal healthy abusing that power of being healthy & what sucks they complain every day that life sucks but they don’t understand how good they got it. I feel cursed, I feel hopeless. What’s the point of being created if all that’s waiting for you is suffering & despair. My life has been miserable & I pray to God to heal me but nothing
Jay,
My heart goes out to you. It sucks, and I’m so sorry for all your pain. It does seem unfair that we’re struggling to stay afloat while others seem to squander their health.
I also pray for healing. I’ve had others pray for my healing. I’ve gone to Catholic healing services and watched other people be miraculously healed while my pancreas stayed broken.
I wish you and I (and all those with chronic illnesses) had a clear reason for why we are suffering.
What I try to remember is that God has a bigger plan for us. We have decades of suffering, but we can hope for an eternity of indescribable joy. That certainly doesn’t make the day-to-day difficulties any easier, but it helps me accept these little difficulties.
On a semi-related note, have you listened to Fr. Mike Schmitz’s Bible in a Year podcast? I’ve found the commentary on Job to be particularly helpful. Job doesn’t give us an answer to our suffering, but I’ve found Fr. Mike’s small comments to be very comforting.
Praying for you, Jay.
[…] Why did he allow me to get so sick? What path is He asking me to take? How can I find real love here on earth when I feel irredeemable, unlovable? […]
Hi I have a question, aren’t you scared about dying soon because it leads to the body being fully damaged? I am a 13 year old girl who was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes when I was 7. This is the only condition that runs in our family, I’m thankful that there’s not skin cancer or cancer in general that runs in our family but, both of my parents, parents have diabetes so the outcome of me having it was a high percentage and I was sick and tired after a few years of it. My mom was a single mom who had been going through so much and then she was devastated when I got diabetes but, since my family is Indian, they believe in god and they’re very religious. To this date, I’m still praying to god that it goes away but it hurts me to see online all these things it says like diabetes can’t go away and this and that. All I just want is a healthy life and a long life even of I have to live with this but all I have to do is give a shot and prick, it’s simple, diabetes isn’t such a big deal. I just hope I live very long and this doesn’t affect me.
Hi Shreya,
I’ll be honest with you, type 1 diabetes is scary. Once you start reading all the dangers online, it gets even scarier. Though I have had diabetes for a shorter time than you, I can relate to that fear and frustration with dealing with this disease day in and day out. However, a lot of those warnings you’ll read online are about people who don’t have their diabetes controlled. You are young and have so much time to take care of yourself. I’m sure you’ve learned by now that there are days that you are well-controlled and days where your blood sugars seem impossible to manage. You can get your diabetes controlled (or keep it controlled if it is already), and you can live a long, happy, and healthy life. Do not lose hope!
Unfortunately, type 1 diabetes isn’t curable. They say that there is a cure in sight, but it could take a long time to get there. That being said, the medical knowledge surrounding diabetes is constantly improving. There are so many improvements to diabetes management technology. Insulin pumps and CGMs (continuous glucose monitors) are becoming more and more accessible.There are also diabetic educators who can provide support between doctor visits.
You asked me if I was afraid of dying. The answer used to be “yes,” and there are still some times that I worry I won’t wake up, but more often, my answer is “no.” As you can tell by my blog, I am very religious, and I trust that God has a plan. Maybe, that plan is for me to live a long, healthy life where I will be able to see a cure. Maybe that plan is that I will die in a few years. Maybe I will even die from something completely unrelated to my diabetes. I have no way of knowing exactly what God’s plan is, but I can do my best to trust that His plan is better than anything I could do myself. I can be afraid of the future or trust that God will have me alive for exactly as long as I am supposed to. I can be afraid of what comes after death, or I can trust in the promises of Christ and have hope that someday, I will be in perfect union with God and will have a body that is healed from all my diseases. I’m not saying that it is easy to get to that point, and there are times that I do mourn my health, but I would rather focus on joy.
One of my favorite Bible passages is 2 Corinthians 12: 8-10. Paul describes begging God to take away what is causing him suffering (we don’t know if it is a physical pain or spiritual pain), but instead, God reminds Paul that God’s “power is made perfect in weakness.” When we are sick or tired or feeling down, God can still work through that. In fact, He shines through that.
Lastly, I want to remind you that God doesn’t always answer our prayers the way we expect. I have been praying to be healed since I got diagnosed. I have had people pray for that intention. I have asked the Blessed Mother to intercede for me. I still have type 1 diabetes. I have had to have surgery. I’ve gotten diagnosed with another chronic illness. My mental health has gone through fluctuations. But in that time, I have been healed -not physically but spiritually. It’s still good to pray for healing and trust that God will do that (I still do it myself), but also look for other ways he may be answering your prayers. Keep praying!
Thank you for taking the time to share your story and comment here. Please know that I will be praying for you and that you will be healed physically and that God will comfort you.
God gave us the blessings of scientists who had the wisdom to determine and give us more information about type 1 and 2 diabetes. I am a type 1 diabetic since 21 years of age. The heaviness of this illness, is deflected by this hope. I sometimes get peeved off by it all. 100 years of human living vs. an eternity of a greater and new existence with God is good to me. I trust that God/Jesus has a better plan for us in the future. Do I follow my own reasoning…? 50% of the time. It is a faith journey. Anyways, just my own reasoning.
I read your article with respect and acknowledgment. Cheers, Rob.
Hi I myself am a type 1 diabetic been one for a long time now. I just wanted to let you know that I enjoyed your writing on this topic and trusting in God.
Thank you!
How would you comfort a 9 year old about why God gave her diabetes. It is hard for her to understand at such a young age. She’s young and hasnt seen much of life and how God works in peoples lives. She doesn’t have any spiritual maturity or strong faith yet. Even for grown ups it’s hard to grasp the suffering we have to endure but as we grow in God’s word we get more wisdom. We know Roman’s 8:28 that, God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. How is this best told to someone this age and help them understand that God does love them and cares what they are going through?
I don’t have an answer for this one. I hope someone else sees this an is able to offer some better insight than me.
My thought is that we focus on proclaiming God’s love. Nothing in life makes sense without the foundation of knowing we have a loving God. As far as caring about what we’re going through, I think John 11:35 (“Jesus wept.”) is a beautiful example of God sympathizing with us. Jesus knew what was about to happen – that he would raise Lazarus from the dead – but He saw the hurt in his friends, he felt the pain in his own heart, and he joined in their mourning. God hurts when we hurt and longs to heal us.
Since diagnosis in 2007 I have been rather close to death (hypo, epileptic seizures, one time about 2 minutes from death in Buenos Aires, three times hyper with required hospitalization). Last night a hypo alert at 2:00 am where I HAD to find sugar and something else to hold me until morning. I continue to as God, “Why?, and still don’t have an answer. I have quite honestly been close to asking “why bother?” and something has come to my rescue in the end to save myself. Do any of you have at least one answer?
Hi Andrew,
I can’t imagine how difficult it has been for you. I’m glad you’re still here.
I wish I had an answer to help, but all I can say is that God hears you. I know He isn’t giving you the answers you’re looking for, but He is there.
I know it’s hard, but keep fighting. In the end, the fight will be worthwhile.
God bless you.
I’ve had Type I Diabetes since I was 14. I too have had low blood sugar attacks and should not be alive given the multiple and harsh episodes I’ve had. For some reason God keeps me alive. I believe that. There was nothing I could have done myself in those moments to keep myself alive. There were many times when the EMS people would tell me “I have 9 lives”. If that’s true, then God does have something good planned for me. I’ve tried to be an “independent” person all my life and maybe I took it to such an extreme that I arrogantly tried to live “independent” from God. I believe my Diabetes reminds me that I should not think this way. He gave me life and He continues to allow me to live. Everyday is a gift and as absurd as it may sound, I am slowly learning to be grateful to God for this disease because it has allowed me to see my pride and arrogance. I know I wouldn’t have listened to anyone even if I was told. I now know that I depend on Him. He’s shown me that, literally. I’m grateful that he has allowed me to see this before it’s too late and I will continue to be grateful to Him. Thanks Kate for sharing your story..
Henry, thank you so much for sharing your story. It’s beautiful and relatable! God bless you as you live with this challenging disease.
My a1c is 9.5 I’m type 2…idk why god allows this….I think he hates me…I’m trying to cut sweets and chips… between this and other stuff I have going on……I hate my life
Hi Ernest,
I’m sorry you’re struggling. God doesn’t hate you. He loves you immensely. I know it’s hard to believe that when it seems like so much is going wrong, but please don’t give up.
Thank you for your motivational stories guys, God bless you all
I was just diagnosed with type 2…it broke me..only 42 years old..no family history…just gave my life to JESUS… he is our only hope… GOD loves us all…life is scary, that is why we must trust GOD…it is hard, but what other hope is there.
God doesn’t hate me. He just doesn’t care. Been diagnosed with this dreadful disease for over 2 yrs. This is not a life. This is a life sentence from an absentee landlord. Rather difficult to be grateful for this death sentence.
I’m so sorry you feel that way. Suffering can be such a barrier to recognizing the tremendous love that God has for us. I hope you find peace.
you hear all these healing testimonies of cancer yet hardly any of type II diabetes; what gives
I know this probably isn’t the answer you want, but it’s the only answer we have: God’s ways are not our own. We don’t always get a why. It sucks, and we can pray for understanding, but we have to trust that God has a reason for allowing suffering.
Wow. I really thought I was the only one in the mis whole wide world struggling with my diabetes. Also I would like to add that I myself think I am suffering for no reason and yell at god for the unfairness. I ask him everyday to help me get through this but it only gets worse.
You are not alone! Some days, it does feel like you’re just stuck with the suffering day after day. When I’m really struggling, I try to remember that Christ knows all our struggles. He feels these difficulties and walks with us.
Kate,
It is nice to see a community of people with similar questions and worries. I have had type 1 since the age of 2. I’ve lived with this curse for 26 years at this point. I find it draining. It requires constant vigilance, toil, reaction, moderation, and sometime just pure luck. As a famous quote goes, “It is possible to make all the right choices and still lose.” I feel this way at times. Following all of the advice and cautions, and yet it’s not enough. I’ve often asked why God would give this to me, especially at such a young age. I’ve fallen into panic prayer many a time in hopes He will maintain my health and safety. The worst thing I suffer from this is severe anxiety. How do you deal with all of the stress, worry, confusion, frustration, and exhaustion that comes with this wretched disease? I know that God loves all. That I do not doubt. My mind is riddled with worry so often due to this and I want to take power away from the dread and fear. How do you find solace in managing such an unpredictable disease each and every day?
If our Lord and savior can give his life on the cross to forgive me of all the bad things I’ve done. For Jesus to forgive me of my sins than me having this awful desease isn’t going to beat me. I to will give my life to Jesus Christ because he loved us first and I love him too. Remember fellow believers our home is in heaven not this world. We are only passing thru. Glory to God for sending his son. Jesus never gave up after the beating he took. Peace and love my family in Christ.
Thanks for what you wrote. It is what I believe, but today someone I like told me she was glad God gave me diabetes instead of her, because she could not handle it. I really felt slapped in the face, and have thought about it all day. I don’t think God “gave” me diabetes. It is just a bad thing that happened to me. I was born with a defective gene that caused my pancreas to “blow out” when I was eleven. He didn’t pick me and it would be cruel if he did. Also, I have a degree more self-discipline than lots of people NOT because it is something I chose to develop, but because I had to have it as a survival strategy. Anyway, I felt minimized by my dear friend’s comment. None of us is well-suited to a chronic illness, and those of us who do have one experience all the struggles anyone would.
Life time diabetic and was raised in Christianity my whole life. Right now I’m asking God this same question and I read what you said and I’m still asking. I’ve begged God to heal me been to healing ministries read 1k books but he doesn’t do it. I’m begging to have a hard time reconciling.
Unfortunately, I think this is a lifelong question. I’m so sorry you’re struggling. It’s tough to see now, but God is with you in this.
Hi Kate,
As a type 2 and a Catholic. I must tell everyone that life is not fair. Should I blame God for this? No is the answer. Life in this planet is never and will never be fair!
I pray that people don’t suffer like I do. I pray that the depression that comes with this illness never hits them. Having this illness is like living with a gun pointing to your head every day. Is it fair? I often thick that people like myself are good people just sentenced to die quickly. It is almost like going to a trial, and getting sentenced to death ahead of the trial!
Have I lost faith???? No and never will.
I don’t know how our lives will end up. I have asked our lord and holy mother, if they will allow me to serve as a deacon in the future but it is up to them? I’m 46 now but hope to live longer and go through the process of becoming a deacon before I have to go. My Prayers to all my bothers and sisters.
May our Holy Father and Holy mother of God guide all diabetic bothers and sisters in this journey.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful faith!
I have type one diabetes and I’m 13 years old it’s hard but I just still don’t understand why would be pick me to have type one diabetes?
Only God knows the answer to why He would permit this. As difficult as it is, trusting that He does have a great plan for your life despite this suffering will bring an answer. It might now be an answer to why you have this disease, but it will be an answer of hope.
Late to the party but we all found this article because we googled how horrible we feel living a life punished without having the answer. We got screwed harder than any living human being and if you continue to live you prolong the suffering of the disease. I feel cheated of a life and will forever be angry for it. God is the blame for my disease. There is no reward ahead or after life for your suffering. Just a cold dark box.
Jason, I am so sorry you’re hurting. You’re feelings are understandable. I think it’s likely that anyone going through this has experienced the same frustrations and anger at some level. As I said in the post, I feel there are two ways to move forward. We could, as you said, blame God (or reject Him altogether), believing we are cursed with this life alone. Alternatively, we could face these trials (sometimes begrudgingly, sometimes angrily, and sometimes with peace), with the underlying trust in the promise of Heaven. I choose the latter. I pray that someday you are able to, too.
Hi Kate,
Just like you, I am type 1 diabetic and I have been struggling with it for about 5 years. At the beginning I was frustrated and angry, then with time and thought and prayer, I accepted it and embraced it. I have very good control over the disease which takes effort, Lately however, I have been struggling with the simple question of ‘ why does God not heal me ?’ why do i have to struggle every single day to live normal ? How is this helping my faith which I seem to be losing right now ? How much potential have I lost due to this illness ? How much drained mental health ?
I am interested to see your answer.
Thank you and God bless you.
Hi David,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I also struggle with these questions at times. I long for an answer, but what brings me peace is to realize that I might not get the answer during my time on Earth. I certainly still grapple with them, but I try to trust that God has a reason – that He has a reason for not healing me yet, that He permits these struggles, that He is present despite my wavering faith, that He plans to give me so much more than I have lost because of this disease. It isn’t easy, but keep the faith.
God bless!